What the Romans did for us

based on a poem by Jon Bratton

Next time you are on a train
Give the Romans a "thank you."
They did not actually invent the train
But there are lots of things they did do!

You have to use a calendar
When you make your booking.
If you do not book a seat
They'll just not let you in.
The Romans gave us our calendar
Which is very handy, coz
Without dates, you wouldn't know
When your birthday was.

If you look out the train window
You might see tall arches over deep valleys;
That's a Roman invented aqueduct,
It's water that it carries.

And if you get travel sickness
When you're on the train
Say thanks to the Romans
For they brought us medicine.

And the train will be safe from robbers
(Coz they're now all running banks).
For our system of law and order
The Romans deserve our thanks.

If you're travelling in the Winter
You'll be cozy on the train,
Because of the central heating
We can thank those Romans again.
If you're travelling in the Summer
Thank the Romans too,
For without the baths they invented
We'd all be stinky poo.

If from the window, you see cars
And trucks with heavy loads,
They'll be travelling fast and straight
Along what once were Roman roads.

And in giving thanks to the Romans
Gratitude is what we say.
Why, even that word is Roman
As are many, we speak today.

Next time you're on a train
Notice how long and skinny they are.
They are not much wider
Than your Daddy's car.
And do you know why trains are skinny?
Why they're not very fat?
Well, we can blame the Romans..yes blame
We can blame them for that.
Trains were made thin
To match the tramways in the street.
They kept them the same width
To keep everything neat.
The tramlines were that size
Because of the covered wagons before.
They already had the manufacturing jigs
And they didn't want to make more.
The wagons were that size
To match the ruts in the roads
Caused by the Romans with their chariots
Carrying heavy loads.
The chariots were that size
Not very wide
To attach the shafts to two horses
Running side by side.
The Romans should have used animals
Like an elephant or hippo or bull.
If they'd had much bigger bottoms
Our trains wouldn't get so full.

So next time your train arrives
And it's already full when it comes
Say loudly "All right... the Romans give us sanitation, roads, aqueducts,blah..blah...
But I wish they'd used animals... ...with much bigger bums.